Caprice Bourret: my family values

I only remember my mom as a single parent. She always said to my younger sister, Tippy, and me, “Your happiness will be your independence; never rely on anyone.” When we were kids, Tippy and I would go into her room in the morning and she would say, “OK, girls, what gorgeous thing shall I wear today?” and she’d open up her vast closet of Dynasty-style clothes. I wanted to be fabulous like her. She’s always been very cool.

My relationship with my father was non-existent. My parents split up when I was four. My dad is a good guy and I know he has valid reasons for not wanting to see us but I don’t know what they are. Maybe one day I’ll find out. It’s kind of a strange thing, a father not wanting to see their child. A lot of people would have resentment about it, but I’d only be hurting myself if I did. Maybe I’m justifying it to make myself feel better but I don’t know what it’s like to have a male [father] figure in my life, so how can I miss it?

Mom was a bulldog in running her business but soft and nurturing at home. When she had her big relationships in her life, even though she was bringing home the bacon, she always made her man feel like he was the king of the castle. I’m very much like that with my partner. You can’t have two captains in a relationship. Men are simple creatures, all you have to do is compliment them, feed them and give them sex – it doesn’t even have to be good sex – and that man is going to be with you for ever and never stray. It’s a very simple formula.

I waited 39 years to meet Ty, my soul mate. Just five years ago I was going for the wrong guys, the playboys. But Ty is so perfect for me. He has strength and integrity. He’s quite the academic; I’m not really, I learned from the streets. At 43, the thought of marriage is a little bit silly to me. I’m OK with a little pinky swear and saying, “Honey, let’s just be together for ever.” I don’t need a piece of paper to validate my relationship.

When IVF didn’t work out for us it felt like things were going from bad to worse. Because our doctor thought I couldn’t carry a child, he suggested we use a carrier [surrogate mother]. It was a really tough decision because I wanted to feel what it was like myself. The whole thought of putting Ty’s and my embryo into somebody else really scared and upset me. I felt a little bit of me as a woman was being taken away. But it was the only way to go. Choosing a surrogate was an easy process. You are given resumes, and you know everything about the person. We wanted someone who was religious; we didn’t care what religion. And someone who was willing to only eat organic food.

Once our carrier was pregnant, I accepted pregnancy wasn’t going to happen for me. I relaxed and we stopped using contraception. And that’s when I became pregnant, too. Our two boys, Jett and Jax, who are coming up to two years old, were born within a month of each other. Apart from a few people, no one knows who was born first – and we intend to keep it that way. They celebrate their birthdays on the same day.

My carrier is still a huge part of my life. Our families see each other all the time and the boys will call her auntie when they can talk. I’ll tell them when they’re older, “Boys, I need to tell you something. Even though you’re both biologically mine, one of you was born in my tummy and one of you was born in your auntie’s tummy, isn’t that cool?” I don’t think it’s going to be a big, traumatic deal. It’s really important that they know each other, for them and her. When you have children, you find a lot of things you didn’t know you had in you. I realised that, like my mom, I’m a nurturer too.