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    The Sex Instruction Manual: Essential Information and Techniques for Optimum Performance
    The Sex Instruction Manual: Essential Information and Techniques for Optimum Performance
    The Sex Instruction Manual: Essential Information and Techniques for Optimum Performance
    Ebook301 pages1 hour

    The Sex Instruction Manual: Essential Information and Techniques for Optimum Performance

    By Felicia Zopol

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    About this ebook

    At Last! A Comprehensive Guide to Sexual Intercourse!

    Sex is as old as human civilization—so why, after all these years, are the secrets of a rewarding sex life so elusive? Fortunately, The Sex Instruction Manual is here to answer all of your most pressing questions: Why do men fall asleep after achieving orgasm? What’s the G-spot and where can I find it? How can I introduce sex toys into my relationship? Are there really condoms designed for women? And what in the world is “doorknobbing”? You’ll find answers to all of these questions and more, courtesy of author and celebrated “sexpert” Felicia Zopol.
    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherQuirk Books
    Release dateNov 18, 2014
    ISBN9781594747724
    The Sex Instruction Manual: Essential Information and Techniques for Optimum Performance

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      Book preview

      The Sex Instruction Manual - Felicia Zopol

      ILLUSTRATORS

      "It looks like you’re about to have sex.

      Would you like help?"

      Remember that interactive animated paper clip that used to pop up on your word processing program to help you write a letter? Did you ever wish that something like that could guide you through the often confusing, sometimes cumbersome process of sexual coupling? Maybe not a talking paper clip exactly, but some trusted resource, some, oh, say, authoritative manual that would provide you with the solid, step-by-step instructions you need to make the most out of your sexual activity? The book you are reading now is just such a manual.

      Sex is one of the most exciting, pleasurable, and rewarding activities available to the human race—but good luck finding reliable information about it. For most people, the subject is still taboo, and so we stumble through our sexual education via trial, error, and the occasional misleading Web site. Bogus herbal remedies promise to cure every manner of sexual dysfunction, and mass-market pornography—with its cavalcade of freakishly endowed grotesques—does more to distort people’s perceptions of what is possible and desirable between lovers than a thousand funhouse mirrors. The Sex Instruction Manual is an antidote to all of the rumors and hearsay perpetrated by our consumer culture. It’s a guide to maximizing one’s pleasure through the proper care, maintenance, and deployment of sexual parts, tools, and techniques.

      For convenience and ease of use, this book has been divided into seven sections:

      INSTALLATION AND PREPARATION offers advice on finding a suitable partner and preparing your home and bedroom.

      INITIALIZATION AND FOREPLAY offers tips for gently coaxing your partner into the bedroom and guides you through the all-important early stages of lovemaking.

      MANUAL AND ORAL GENITAL OPERATION presents a series of activities designed to stimulate your partner’s most sensitive body parts using nothing more than your ten fingers plus your lips, teeth, and tongue.

      INTERCOURSE explores the manifold varieties of male–female sexual intercourse, with illustrations of dozens of postures and positions.

      ADVANCED SEXUAL INTERFACE takes a tour of the outer fringes of sexual interface. It offers a brief introduction to the many kinks and fetishes popular today.

      SEXUAL ACCESSORIES introduces some of the many devices that people use to increase the pleasure of, and add variety to, their sexual encounters.

      MAINTENANCE AND TROUBLESHOOTING educates on the many hardware and software glitches that can crash your sex life.

      When performed properly, sexual intercourse can provide a lifetime of joy and intimacy. But mastering it takes years of practice and patience. It’s not uncommon to experience despair, humiliation, loneliness, and pain in your pursuit of sexual satisfaction. But these feelings are normal and will fade as you become more adept. One day in the not-so-distant future, sexual ecstasy may seem as simple to you as changing a light bulb, turning on the TV, or writing a letter on your computer. Then you will know you have mastered sex.

      Now, let’s unpack the box, dump the Styrofoam peanuts, and get you started on the road to enjoying your new sex life.

      Parts List

      Congratulations! Unless you’ve been the victim of an unfortunate thresher accident, your body is preinstalled with everything you need to achieve total sexual pleasure and fulfillment. Let’s review the body parts that you must put into good working order before beginning operation of your sex life. If you or your partner is missing one or more of the parts described, contact a service provider immediately.

      The Head

      Head: The head is the center of sensory activity and the storage area for a person’s unique sexual preferences and behavior. The head may also contain neuroses that can undermine sexual interface and attraction.

      Hair: Not present on every model. Tint and thickness may vary. Since hair may be pulled during sexual activity, those wearing toupees may wish to make sure their hairpieces are securely mounted before commencing interface.

      Eyes: Available in brown, gray, green, blue, and other related hues. Watch for slight alterations to indicate level of sexual interest and enjoyment. If eyes glaze over at any point, check for vital signs and begin immediate resuscitation.

      Ears: Critical and often underutilized, the ears rarely receive physical attention. However, they can be crucial in alerting you to changes in your partner’s physical and psychological state.

      Nose: A key sentinel for aromatic signs of sexual attraction and desire.

      Mouth and Tongue: Perhaps the most critical sexual hardware component outside the genitals, the mouth plays a significant role in the seduction process and can be used throughout lovemaking in a variety of different ways.

      Neck: A highly charged but often overlooked erogenous zone.

      The Body

      Skin: Covers almost the entire body and acts as a receptor of all physical pleasure.

      Shoulders: As the arch of posture, they provide nonverbal clues about a person’s sexual confidence and physical state.

      Breasts: The most sensitive sexual hardware outside the genitals and two key components of sexual attraction.

      Stomach: Holds the body in line during often rigorous sexual activities.

      Arms: Critical for hugging and maintaining positioning during intercourse.

      Hands: Vital during all stages of intercourse.

      Fingers: Along with the tongue, the most skillful and versatile dispensers of pleasure.

      Genitals: The epicenter of sexual activity, pleasure, and intimacy.

      Legs: An important component in attraction for many people and critical in most intercourse postures.

      Feet: A sensitive erogenous zone and the focal point of certain fetishes (see Common Alternatives).

      Preparing Your Home

      Before attempting sexual interface, make sure your home contains a special area suited for this unique activity. This area will serve as a staging ground for the crucial transitional process between initialization (also known as seduction), foreplay, and full sexual interface. Each feature in this location should contribute to the desired mood and atmosphere.

      Couch or Loveseat

      Evaluate your seating to make sure it is appropriately sized, properly placed, and comfortable.

      Size: The couch should be large enough to accommodate two people, but not so large that they can occupy it while sitting more than an arm’s length apart.

      Placement: Situate the couch in an easily accessible area that lies outside the room’s major pathways (e.g., door-to-bedroom, door-to-kitchen, kitchen-to-bathroom). If you have roommates, the couch should be placed in a more remote area of the room where you can continue initialization without being interrupted by a roommate’s unexpected arrival.

      Comfort: The couch should be comfortable and relaxing. Test the cushions to ensure they are not so soft that you and your partner sink into them, thus limiting mobility. Excessive sinkage can undermine easy maneuvering and fluent repositioning during seduction and foreplay.

      Other Necessary Components

      Beverage Preparation Center: An alcoholic beverage helps relax many people and allows them to be more receptive to the seduction process, lessening their stress and lowering their inhibitions. Stock a table or cabinet with several varieties of liquor (vodka, whiskey, gin, scotch, rum), plus beer and wine. Include mixers, such as sodas and juices for the liquor. The mixers can also serve as alternative beverages for those who do not consume alcohol.

      Table: Place a low, sturdy table in front or to the side of the couch to place drinks and other items upon.

      Recorded-Music Playing Device: Musical vibrations can help set the mood and relax a person while covering distracting sounds emanating from outside or surrounding domiciles. Include a wide variety of recorded music to cover an array of music tastes.

      Lighting Apparatus: Remove lamps or light bulbs that cast light that is too bright or direct. This type of light can cause a person to seize up or become overly self-conscious. Replace high-watt bulbs with low-wattage models and rearrange lamps to cast soft, indirect light, which creates a more relaxing atmosphere.

      EXPERT TIP: Equip your seduction location with an enjoyable alternate activity, such as a game or a television. Many people are prone to seizing up when seduction efforts become too direct. Engaging in the alternative activity for a while after arrival will help relieve tension so that both parties are more open to sexual interface.

      Consumable Seduction Aids

      Known in common parlance as aphrodisiacs, certain foodstuffs have acquired a reputation as sex enhancers. Although the veracity of such claims can almost never be proved scientifically, you may feel that the mere proffering of these consumables serves as an aid to seduction.

      ▪ Oysters have long had a reputation as being aphrodisiacs. According to legend, Casanova ate dozens of them every morning. Although most researchers have dismissed the effects as purely psychological, these effects should not be underestimated. Simply put: Many people say oysters remind them of genitals.

      ▪ Coconut has acquired a reputation as a sex enhancer, especially in the Caribbean. Research indicates that coconut is loaded with compounds that boost the action of testosterone.

      ▪ Truffles, the highly prized edible fungi, produce androstenol, a musky pheromone found in the saliva of boars. That explains why pigs are turned on by them—but what about humans? It may have something to do with the chi-chi cachet associated with the truffle’s high price and legendarily difficult extraction.

      ▪ Durian is a popular Southeast Asian tree fruit; it is considered an aphrodisiac in Indonesia, where aficionados boast that when the durian fruit comes down, the skirts come up! You may want to offer this treat in small doses, however, since durian literally smells and tastes like rotting garbage.

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